This is NPR. . .

This is NPR, and here’s an adorable human interest story for you: 

A young alcoholic “comes out” to his father with a text message:  “Hey dad, I’m going to go get drunk tonight.”  Aww. 

<cue record scratching noise>  Wait.  What?

No, NPR would not run this as a cutesy human interest clip, because most people realize that drinking for the express purpose of getting drunk constitutes alcohol abuse, and that starting down a road of abusing alcohol can lead to alcoholism, which is terribly harmful, even potentially lethal, to both the person living that life of alcoholism and to others.  A regular habit of abusing alcohol will cause serious harm to a person’s physical and psychological health, and will badly damage social relationships.  A properly informed and loving parent, therefore, would not find this news “sweet,” but alarming.

But this morning, I woke up to something incredibly similar:

A young man “comes out” to his father with a text message:  “Hey dad, I’m going out with my boyfriend.”  Aww. 

<cue record scratching noise—in my head, anyway>  Wait.  WHAT?

Now, some of you are thinking, “that analogy is flawed.”  And of course, you are right.  Here’s how right you are:

The average life expectancy for the typical U.S. male is in the high 70’s, creeping up toward 80 years of age.

The average life expectancy of an alcoholic is 66.

The average life expectancy of a male homosexual is 47.

Wait.  WHAT?!

Yes, that’s correct.  Alcoholism will (on average) take about twelve years off your life.  Homosexuality will take THIRTY.

Here are some other “fun facts”:

Like alcoholics, homosexuals are far more likely to engage in deliberate self-injurious behavior (e.g., cutting, suicide attempts, actual completed suicide).

While there is no good evidence that alcoholism is related to domestic abuse, the incidence of domestic violence among homosexual men is nearly double that in the heterosexual population.

About 37 percent of alcoholics have at least one serious mental illness; nearly HALF of homosexual men meet diagnostic criteria for major psychiatric disorders.  (And this is not, as some would argue, all stress-related, a result of living in a culture where homosexuals are not “accepted for who they are;” these results are found even in countries where homosexuality has been accepted for quite some time.)

So you’re right, the analogy is flawed, because to live as a homosexual is actually more harmful than living as an alcoholic.

If you find out that your child is abusing alcohol, it isn’t loving the child to “accept” that abuse as “who he is” and get on with your life.  To love someone is to will the good for that person.  To will someone else’s good means to act to promote that good.  In the case of an alcohol-abusing teen, that means acting to curtail that harmful behavior and get them help in mastering their relationship with alcohol.

Abusing one’s sexuality is every bit as harmful as abusing alcohol.  Indeed, even a very quick survey (check it out for yourself on nami.org, cdc.gov, nih.gov) of physical, psychological, and social effects with respect to alcoholism vs. this particular form of abuse of one’s sexuality indicates that it is worse. 

If your child comes to you with such news as NPR wants to present as a heart-warming anecdote, it is not a loving response to smile indulgently and say, “That’s okay, Johnny, whatever makes you happy!”  It is not okay.  It will not make him happy in the long run, any more than living life as an active alcoholic makes somebody genuinely happy.  It is the beginning of a road which will lead to harm, to himself and to others, and a loving parent must take this as an indication at the very least to attempt to intervene with guidance toward healthier choices.